How do you get up from an all time low?

Answer its not easy and in another way it is.  I haven't got there yet but I feel I'm emerging.  I have been attending counselling and there are some surprising things that I learned about motherhood.
The first is that Post natal depression can last for up to 5 years.  However depression can manifest itself in different ways so if you don't recognise your symptoms it can go untreated.
The second thing is that I lost myself in the pressures of life.  So many women wrap themselves up in the identity of mother but in a misguided identity. I love my boys but at one time I thought that I should go without to make sure that they are ok.  That strategy may work  in the short term but it has devastating effects in the long term,  Yet I hear so many women say things like that.
Friday marked the day when I will look after myself.  I will be looking after myself so that I can see what is right for my family.  Looking after myself is trying to fit in swimming and another type of excercise 2 times a week. Getting my hair done and buying some clothes.

Body Magic for real

Been feeling tired, fatigued actually.  I've been doing a lot of things to combat it. One of the things I'm doing is wearing Body Magic a body shaper/corset.  I saw the product on Facebook a few months ago and I thought it was a good idea but thought no more about it until my friend recommended that this might be a business opportunity for me and my husband.
My husband saw the presentation and really got excited and we did all the research about it. It looked good but in my mind I was saying I would much rather do yoga, pilates and excercise so that I can get my body to support itself naturally.
2 weeks ago we held a party and I tried the Body Magic shaper on.  And my back felt supported!  I felt comfortable in it.  I could sit up straight and relax without slouching.  I didn't want to take it off!  We ordered our pack that Saturday.  It arrived from America the following Friday.  Started wearing in on Tuesday and its amazing.  Not only does my back and my core muscles feel supported, I feel a bit more energised.  The corsets also come with a drink called Le Vivre with all those trendy nutritious fruits in noni, acai,mangosteen etc. Which I also tried and it tastes good and its a supplement.  I no longer have that bitter taste in my mouth that I've been having lately and I have a baseline of more energy.  I feel as if I'm walking taller.  I look more confident.  I don't have to worry about my belly poking through my clothes.
My friends on my college course saw me and said that I looked good and appeared more confident and one of friends wants one as soon as I can get it to her.  So its easy to market as you just wear it!

I want to lose weight as I store all my fat around my tummy and back- typical apple shape.  Body Magic has helped me to drink more water and make better food choices.  I was overating due to stress.  Now I eat my dinner.  No need for pudding.  I want to drink more so it flushes the system and the fatigue is going.
Really wasn't expecting all these benefits from this product so its a great bonus. 
So Body Magic is not just about dropping 2 dress sizes when you put it on, it does so much more.
If you want to know more check out www.ardysslife.com/naturalreshaper.

Time for change

Well, I haven't blogged for 4 months. Must be some type of record! Actually I did some blog posts in another site called Grace in Small Things, check it out once you have time.
Looking at my last blog, life has not changed all that much, I still feel tired and I'm ultra busy. What has changed is my awareness. I am aware of how unorganised I am and the amount of bad habits I have to break.
I'm making a start at chipping away at them.
The biggest challenge in my life is failure to produce and fulfil workable plans. But I'm working on it. The first step is admitting you have a problem and I've gone a little further than this so life is not so bad.
With all my busyness I have now undertaken to help in a not for profit organisation called Kommunal Training that provides information, holds workshops, lessons and promotes small businesses in Stevenage. So far I have been involved in African Dance, a workshop that ran in a half term council run playscheme.
It went down really well. the kids enjoyed doing the limbo and dressing up in traditional Nigerian dress.
We are going to have an Eczema group on 14th November in Stevenage. I've pushed myself forward to set up a social networking site for an eczema concern group online.
I'm enjoying what I'm doing so far, putting my social networking skills to good use. I've also joined a Black Womens Aspirations Network which will help me to plan and realise my goals. I've tested my small business idea and I think I have found my market.
My kids are happy. My husband is a pain, so all is well and I'm set for change. So hopefully in the next 4 months I will still be tired but contented as I've met my objectives and going some way to living my dreams. watch this space!!!

Slow Parenting

Well the summer holiday has ended for me as I go back to work on Wednesday. I wish I could have gone out more with the kids but they are Ok. We went to Standalone Farm which is a city farm.
The boys loved it and Son no1 said that he's having a wonderful holiday. The highlight of the visit was a trailer ride. A trailer with seats was attached to a tractor and it took us to a spot on the farm which was the highest point in Letchworth. This is my neighbouring Town which is really beautiful, the World's first Garden City. I will visit again with the kids before they go back to school. North Hertfordshire shines in summer time. Although we are landlocked its so beautiful and there are lots of outdoor pools to go to if it gets hot.
I didn't get to explore as much as I would have liked this holiday but I'm looking forward to spending time getting to really know this place. There's a lot going on for kids. Plus the countryside is gorgeous. Its more expensive to do things here than in London but I really liked the free play initiative they have here, where they was actually a play scheme in various parks in Stevenage. So you could bring a picnic or snacks while the kids busy themselves with play and craft equipment. I spent a wonderful afternoon with baby and I under a canopy playing on the floor and the kids testing out some outdoor gym equipment. I only did a couple of days like this in the holiday but I could have done this every day.
One of the funny points of the holiday was the amount of times Son no 2 had his face painted. As he's quite dark skinned some of the designs he's had were so dramatic!
Kids are great, they get on your nerves they ask for a lot but need very little. Once my boys are out I'm the best mommy in the world. I love taking them to new places but I don't have to kill myself going to a different activity every day. It can be tempting to do that but I've had some of the greatest times doing some of the most boring things but then they turn out to be wonderful.
eg An uninteresting walk down a road with a lot of industrial buildings ended in a beautiful entrance to my central park. It was one of the greatest walks I've done with the kids as they walked 2 miles and we had a great time talking and bonding. I came across the park play scheme by accident. I had only planned to go to the town centre gardens as I had never been and then found there was a play scheme. I read a slow parenting magazine a couple of years back and it was saying how we shouldn't spend time accounting for every waking minute of a childs life. Activities and classes are good but nothing beats being with your kids and giving them time. Snoop Dog said the same thing so I must be right.
Peace out.

Holiday Torment

Birthday season is now over for my immeadiate family. We are all one year older and very much wiser. Hubby was saying to me that I look weird a woman with a very young face but when you look at her hair its riddled with grey. Going grey early is a family trait. Been mulling over whether I want to dye it or not. I'm 38 now and I saw my first grey at 26 and then I didn't really notice it much until some time during my 37th year the top of my hair is riddled with it. I gonna dye it as I don't want to look like an old codger.

I'm really enjoying the boys at the moment. However I get glimpses of what it will be like when the baby is a little older as sometimes boyish silliness really annoys me at times. I'll be trying to read a bed time story and baby, now 1 and son no2,4, are too busy giggling and rolling about and screaming. Normally my eldest son wants to listen to the story but one day they were all silly and I really felt like the only sensible girl! That said I will not be going there again - getting pregnant in the vain hope of getting a girl. 3 kids 6 and under is more than I can bear. If I really want a girl I may foster or adopt if we get a bigger property. I can satisfy my baby girl fix easily I have 3 little nieces and and 2 big neices. I will be seeing them over the summer. I also found that there's loads of girls where I live.
On our way home from the park we bumped into 2 girls. One of them was extremly friendly and was pretending to take pictures of the boys with her v tech camera. In the end I gave her my phone to take pictures of the boys. At the end she gave son no2 a big hug. That was so nice and she told me that she will be at the free play scheme that my eldest son will be going to.

The holiday torment has started with my eldest son asking me every minute "when are we going to the seaside? Tomorrow?" " Can we go to Uncle Toni's?" "We never do anthing over the holidays". I have mentally devised a weekly schedule of things to do and I normally do something with him in mind but its never enough!
Happy holidays everyone!!!

Good news

Child no 2 starts school full time in September!!! Hurray. He was originally to start in January but the school have recruited another teacher.

I go to a Spa on the 13th July, can't wait.

Still knackered but opportunity for rest is coming.
Attended my first sports day. It was a proper athletic event with an obstacle race, sprint and skipping race. Son no1 came 3rd in the skipping and I was so proud as he made sure he did the moves carefully. He asked a couple of weeks ago how to skip as he kept tripping over and I said treat it like running on the spot, to his credit he took the advice and executed it perfectly. Son no2 until recently showed no interest in running but as soon as Spring emerged he's been running in front of me on the way to school, even beating athletic son no1. He came 3rd in the running race and could have gone faster but didn't really feel like competing. His form was relaxed and amazing, bless him. In the meantime son no 3 (the baby) was enjoying being held and cooed over by my friend and her mom.

I dedicate this entry to a dear friend and mother of 4 Linda. She was a collegue I worked with. One Friday in May we were getting ready for a weekend of marking. She complained of a headache and I suggested it may be dehydration but she said firmly and knowingly it's not that. One
Saturday evening I got the call that Linda collapsed and was in a coma due to an anuerism and that it didn't look good. I went to the hospital on Sunday to be told by her loved ones that she was brain dead and we were to say our goodbyes. On the Monday morning they turned off the life support machine and my friend was no more. She was supposed to come to the Spa with me and it took until now to say I'm not getting any more energy so I should go. Linda was full of life, she travelled, she was a giver and she never said anything bad about anyone. She was the salt of the earth. When I first started teaching Linda, her best friend and collegue and another good friend used to have lunch at the local cafe most days. There she shared stories of her travels, and her children. She even went to School with Billy Ocean! Always game for a laugh she frequently dressed up for comic relief and got us all doing comedy sketches one year. She will be missed but her spirit lives on and I am encouraged to love God, love my kids, enjoy life and be good to people like Linda did. May her soul rest in peace.

Tiredness

OMG! I frequently complain about tiredness but this period is the worst I've felt in my life. I am emerging from it now. For me not to return to that level again I need some frequent me time.

Since having the baby I was not sleeping and was suffering from interupted sleep for about approx 9months. Baby finally started sleeping and so did I and my body had to adjust to having more sleep at night. But this sleep was not restful and refreshing, it was necessary but I remember thinking about when I had to be up a good hour before I needed to be up.
At half term I lay on the sofa for 3 days. On the 3rd day my husband recognised there might be something wrong! Typical.
We've now worked out a rota for household tasks which is quite helpful. Plus its birthday season in our house. The Season starts from the first May Bank holiday till the first week in July which is my birthday. It has certainly lifted the family.
I want to work in a yoga or relaxation period for 30 mins to an hour a day but it will have to be gradual.
I'd love to hear similar stories of tiredness and how to combat it.
Peace out