Highs

• Had a wonderful bank holiday with my family. Because of sheer tiredness we haven't been going anywhere far which means we haven't been to visit loved ones but we've been spending time together and its good. It was the first of the family birthdays this weekend which is fab as it always falls on the first May bank Holiday.


• Baby's eczema is no longer causing sleepless nights.. His skinstill itches which cuts the skin from time to time. Skin splits around the ears and it is this area which he rubs when he is tired as well as the cheeks. A mom and childminder recommened Allergenics, a non steroidal ointment made entirely out of natural products available at Holland and Barretts. It has Shea butter as a base, a substance which I'm familiar with. So far, great. My main feat is to now keep the skin well moisturised. The only areas affected are the cheeks, ears, inside crease of elbows and upper thighs. The rest of the skin is beautiful and naturally moist which leads me to believe inability to cool down in these areas is the main culprit of the eczema.


• Baby now 11 months and I love babies from 8 months til the time they begin to walk as it is a magical time where they communicate with you in some beautiful ways. My son stares at me if he hasn't seen me for a while and soemtimes if I look at him from afar he gives me a knowing smile. He dances to the music of the B&Q advert on the TV and has been singing for some time now. He also communicates by humming. eg if I call his name he says a high pitched ""hmmmm?".


• Enjoying adult conversation at work.

Lows

• I wrote out an extensive descriptive list of how a cocktail of a bad period, feelings of inadequacy, pestered by my eldest for food and drink ( I call it being a short order chef!), longer but unrestful sleep; pressures at work etc were the reason behind feeling low . But I pressed something on the laptop and it deleted it!!! Typical! Maybe you weren't meant to see my ranting in detail!!!

So I suppose I'm being forced to "accentuate the positive".

The lows of being a working mom

It would be hypocritical of me to talk only about the advantages to being a working mom and not give full weight to the disadvantages.



I work 3 days a week, Monday, Thursday and Friday but mentally I'm always at work. I on my so called days off I have another job entitled 'Ferrier to school.' On a bad day I go back and forth to school 3 times. So thats 6 journeys to school and back. Each journey is 1.7 miles. I walk now the weather is good and this eats up the whole of my day. This is because son no2 is half day at nursery. Half day nursery doesn't work for me . The school doesn't allow you to pay for a 2nd session during the day but I'm going to suggest it. When I was in London son no2 and son no1 went to a pre-school that took the government funding and allowed you to pay for the extra sessions. They were really affordable and it meant that a 3 year old can be at preschool/nursery from 9 til 3. This is a much better arrangement for me and my child. He's ready to stay at school all day yet he will not have the opportunity till Jan 2010! I am livid! In London he would have been starting school full time by October 2009.

Just lately I have found it hard to wind down. I just feel there's so much to be done and not enough time or energy in the day to do them. Plus I'm experiening the postcode lottery. The NHS provision is very different from where I came from. Different meaning bad, poor, less than mediocre.
What to do? Discussed going back to London/Surrey as house prices have dropped. Still have to up my income though.

I have been able to find a way to cope. I ask friends for advice and I've been getting good advice lately. I also always make time for my friends, we either go out for coffee or breakfast. Yesterday as I spoke to my friend I felt as if a weight had been lifted off me.
Thank God for sisterhood.

This tired stay and home mom versus working mom debate.

I think this stay at home mom working mom debate is stupid. Everyone is different. You cannot prescribe one form of behaviour for everyone as everyone is different. If staying at home works for you and yours do it. If going to work helps you to feel like Ms Independant then do it. If you have to work when you'd rather not realise its hard work but try and make some special days for you and yours to remind them that you love them. My mom worked 2 nights while she had us and she said that work gave her a break. Similarly I was reluctant to go back to work in London but to my surprise I'm loving dressing up and going to London to work. I enjoy the vibrancy of London compared to my quiet town and its a beautiful balance. I've been out to dinner countless times, connected with my funky collegues, made lunch for one of my collegues and friends. I feel alive again. I am also arranging to do a yoga class after work on Thursday (I work til 1pm). Then I can go swimming on Friday afternoons. When I was home I was at the school 6 times a day. It hardly gave me time to do anything. If I have a coffee with a friend it has a knock on effect on the whole day. Forget me time. So although I'm busier than ever before I am happier. Before I moved I would go to mother and baby groups and go to parks and the Horniman museum. Housework did take a back seat to my husbands disgust.
I'm going to be tracking this debate in the newspapers and would greatly appreciate some feedback.

Time for the Church to be united

Went to a Newwine women's conference on Saturday with the Baptist church I attend. I was greatly encouraged and my mind was opened. People were speaking in tongues, falling out, shouting and moaning in the Spirit! It Still wasn't as loud as Pentecostals but wow it was good! I got confimation about using your gifts and talents, things that come natural to you so that your light shines among everyone you meet.
So Pentecostal people we do not have the monopoly on the Holy Spirit and we must take part in what the Church of England is doing because despite controversy there is nothing that divides us spiritually. There is a richness in diversity and I have found this whenever I attend a service which is multicultural and interdenominational.
There was a time when race and loud worship meant we weren't welcome and some churches still have that hang up but not all. Lets come together and really celebrate God's Kingdom now.

It seems like a lot has happened since I last blogged. So I'll update on motherhood so far.
Eldest seems to be settling into school more, met some of his friends and met a couple of mothers who I never met before.
Middle child also settling sometimes cries before nursery but doing OK.
Baby is getting chubbier by the day. The Eczema is better but the meeting with the Specialist was a big let down. Its a good thing Baby's skin was getting better before I met him. Someone was telling me that African remedies and medicine is far more effective in the treatment of Black skins. I believe them. My sister in law made a crude concoction of crushed anti biotics and Vaseline made in Nigeria and it works! She also gave me some herbs for him to wash in.

My Sister thought she had eczema and she had a really bad skin for 16 years, very sensitive, weeping and crusty and darkened her skin. Went to South Africa and the Dr told her that it was a parasite she had picked up from a beach when she was 18. Her skin has now completely healed and she can't stop looking at herself in the mirror. I haven't seen her yet but I well up every time I think about it.

My personal development is going well. I have been reading about Tony Buzan's mindmapping and it is revolutionising my life. I can plan lessons quickly and easily and it works with the way I work. Excellent for a time poor mom.
I have so much to do in my day I find it hard to wind down. Anybody else had this problem? What did you do to combat it? Love to hear from you.
Peace out

Work, paid work

Went back to work before half term and its like stepping into a paralell universe. The building is the same but so much have changed and the scary thing is I only went on mat leave 9 months ago. Crazy.

I need to work on my own thing. I procrastinate a lot and I am a woman of very many words and not enough action although I mean well. But this situation forces me to change as I feel so uncomfortable.

My move will be gradual but I've already fed and watered my brain for change and movement. I really want to do some work for myself. Watched BET honours last night and one of the honorees said that I must run head first into sucess and not to be afraid of it. I have been afraid of it for so long that it is now beckoning me to take that leap of faith.

As per usual I have had a lot of vocal support from friends. There have been a lot people telling me not to change who I am and all of a sudden telling me about my good points.

I have finally found my place, I'm a good communicator, people confide in me and I'm good at making friends. I'm looking at counselling and I'm going to try broadcasting and a little journalism as well having teaching to fall back on.

I can and I will. The good thing about it is I can take my time and fit it around my kids until the time comes for me to accelerate.

Do you need change but are afraid of it? Condition your mind. Prepare mentally for change don't just say what you are going to do but think it, believe it and take action. What comes naturally to you? How can you make money or derive an income from it? Believe and love yourself then take that big leap of faith....

There's not a friend.

I didn't want to use this blog to share my faith but some things have happened to me over the past 2 weeks that I can only describe as a Godsend. 2 weeks ago I met a mom whose son had a similar skin condition to my baby at Church. She was introduced to me by my Church sister who lives near me. I remember that on my first visit this lady was reading a book to my son in the Church creche and I remember him looking so comfortable it was amazing. He was only 4 or 5 months at the time. For privacy I will call her Angela (not her real name). She told me about her son, what worked for her and she gave me a lot of reassurance. She gave me her details and her email address which contained a quote that I hear all the time on BET 'Dream Big'. Well intrigued I rang her to say thanks for the advice and on Thursday she dropped round some cream and she offered to look after my boys or baby so I can have a sleep.On Saturday I rang her in despair as my hubby was late for picking us up from town and it was getting v dark. she offered to pick me up if he didn't turn up and reiterated that she will happily look after the boys on Sunday if I needed some rest. As plans for Sunday were not finalised at that point I could not take her up on the offer. But at mad o'clock in the morning I texted her to day that we will all come to her house and I will bring what I was cooking which was Roast Chicken, rice and peas. I would have to cook the babys food once I got there. Well a good time was had by all. My boys and her family ( she has 4 kids 3 beautiful girls and one quiet boy) gelled instantly. My baby slept in her husbands arms so easily it amazed me and I got a nap on her settee. With all boxes ticked and all needs met we were given a lift home.

Angela is only one of the beautiful people I've met in Stevenage. I've met an older mom who gives the best hugs in the world and is always available for a chat and a cup of tea; a budding entrepreneur mom who loves singing; my homemaker mom who is just friendly and knows how to hook people up and a North London mom and Gran who love to give and are full of stories of the place where they lived most of their lives. I've only been here 4 months. I also met a lovely business mom who has a cleaning business and does babysitting to make ends meet but the bonus is she likes the same music as I do. I now know I can go anywhere and make quality friends. I try my best to be friendly and open with people and I find I get it in return. I've also got the greatest friend of all Jesus who knows my every need and meets them by sending me people such as these and by giving me the song 'theres not a friend' by my wonderful gospel singing friend. I'll get his permission before I give you his name.