Time for change

Well, I haven't blogged for 4 months. Must be some type of record! Actually I did some blog posts in another site called Grace in Small Things, check it out once you have time.
Looking at my last blog, life has not changed all that much, I still feel tired and I'm ultra busy. What has changed is my awareness. I am aware of how unorganised I am and the amount of bad habits I have to break.
I'm making a start at chipping away at them.
The biggest challenge in my life is failure to produce and fulfil workable plans. But I'm working on it. The first step is admitting you have a problem and I've gone a little further than this so life is not so bad.
With all my busyness I have now undertaken to help in a not for profit organisation called Kommunal Training that provides information, holds workshops, lessons and promotes small businesses in Stevenage. So far I have been involved in African Dance, a workshop that ran in a half term council run playscheme.
It went down really well. the kids enjoyed doing the limbo and dressing up in traditional Nigerian dress.
We are going to have an Eczema group on 14th November in Stevenage. I've pushed myself forward to set up a social networking site for an eczema concern group online.
I'm enjoying what I'm doing so far, putting my social networking skills to good use. I've also joined a Black Womens Aspirations Network which will help me to plan and realise my goals. I've tested my small business idea and I think I have found my market.
My kids are happy. My husband is a pain, so all is well and I'm set for change. So hopefully in the next 4 months I will still be tired but contented as I've met my objectives and going some way to living my dreams. watch this space!!!

Slow Parenting

Well the summer holiday has ended for me as I go back to work on Wednesday. I wish I could have gone out more with the kids but they are Ok. We went to Standalone Farm which is a city farm.
The boys loved it and Son no1 said that he's having a wonderful holiday. The highlight of the visit was a trailer ride. A trailer with seats was attached to a tractor and it took us to a spot on the farm which was the highest point in Letchworth. This is my neighbouring Town which is really beautiful, the World's first Garden City. I will visit again with the kids before they go back to school. North Hertfordshire shines in summer time. Although we are landlocked its so beautiful and there are lots of outdoor pools to go to if it gets hot.
I didn't get to explore as much as I would have liked this holiday but I'm looking forward to spending time getting to really know this place. There's a lot going on for kids. Plus the countryside is gorgeous. Its more expensive to do things here than in London but I really liked the free play initiative they have here, where they was actually a play scheme in various parks in Stevenage. So you could bring a picnic or snacks while the kids busy themselves with play and craft equipment. I spent a wonderful afternoon with baby and I under a canopy playing on the floor and the kids testing out some outdoor gym equipment. I only did a couple of days like this in the holiday but I could have done this every day.
One of the funny points of the holiday was the amount of times Son no 2 had his face painted. As he's quite dark skinned some of the designs he's had were so dramatic!
Kids are great, they get on your nerves they ask for a lot but need very little. Once my boys are out I'm the best mommy in the world. I love taking them to new places but I don't have to kill myself going to a different activity every day. It can be tempting to do that but I've had some of the greatest times doing some of the most boring things but then they turn out to be wonderful.
eg An uninteresting walk down a road with a lot of industrial buildings ended in a beautiful entrance to my central park. It was one of the greatest walks I've done with the kids as they walked 2 miles and we had a great time talking and bonding. I came across the park play scheme by accident. I had only planned to go to the town centre gardens as I had never been and then found there was a play scheme. I read a slow parenting magazine a couple of years back and it was saying how we shouldn't spend time accounting for every waking minute of a childs life. Activities and classes are good but nothing beats being with your kids and giving them time. Snoop Dog said the same thing so I must be right.
Peace out.

Holiday Torment

Birthday season is now over for my immeadiate family. We are all one year older and very much wiser. Hubby was saying to me that I look weird a woman with a very young face but when you look at her hair its riddled with grey. Going grey early is a family trait. Been mulling over whether I want to dye it or not. I'm 38 now and I saw my first grey at 26 and then I didn't really notice it much until some time during my 37th year the top of my hair is riddled with it. I gonna dye it as I don't want to look like an old codger.

I'm really enjoying the boys at the moment. However I get glimpses of what it will be like when the baby is a little older as sometimes boyish silliness really annoys me at times. I'll be trying to read a bed time story and baby, now 1 and son no2,4, are too busy giggling and rolling about and screaming. Normally my eldest son wants to listen to the story but one day they were all silly and I really felt like the only sensible girl! That said I will not be going there again - getting pregnant in the vain hope of getting a girl. 3 kids 6 and under is more than I can bear. If I really want a girl I may foster or adopt if we get a bigger property. I can satisfy my baby girl fix easily I have 3 little nieces and and 2 big neices. I will be seeing them over the summer. I also found that there's loads of girls where I live.
On our way home from the park we bumped into 2 girls. One of them was extremly friendly and was pretending to take pictures of the boys with her v tech camera. In the end I gave her my phone to take pictures of the boys. At the end she gave son no2 a big hug. That was so nice and she told me that she will be at the free play scheme that my eldest son will be going to.

The holiday torment has started with my eldest son asking me every minute "when are we going to the seaside? Tomorrow?" " Can we go to Uncle Toni's?" "We never do anthing over the holidays". I have mentally devised a weekly schedule of things to do and I normally do something with him in mind but its never enough!
Happy holidays everyone!!!

Good news

Child no 2 starts school full time in September!!! Hurray. He was originally to start in January but the school have recruited another teacher.

I go to a Spa on the 13th July, can't wait.

Still knackered but opportunity for rest is coming.
Attended my first sports day. It was a proper athletic event with an obstacle race, sprint and skipping race. Son no1 came 3rd in the skipping and I was so proud as he made sure he did the moves carefully. He asked a couple of weeks ago how to skip as he kept tripping over and I said treat it like running on the spot, to his credit he took the advice and executed it perfectly. Son no2 until recently showed no interest in running but as soon as Spring emerged he's been running in front of me on the way to school, even beating athletic son no1. He came 3rd in the running race and could have gone faster but didn't really feel like competing. His form was relaxed and amazing, bless him. In the meantime son no 3 (the baby) was enjoying being held and cooed over by my friend and her mom.

I dedicate this entry to a dear friend and mother of 4 Linda. She was a collegue I worked with. One Friday in May we were getting ready for a weekend of marking. She complained of a headache and I suggested it may be dehydration but she said firmly and knowingly it's not that. One
Saturday evening I got the call that Linda collapsed and was in a coma due to an anuerism and that it didn't look good. I went to the hospital on Sunday to be told by her loved ones that she was brain dead and we were to say our goodbyes. On the Monday morning they turned off the life support machine and my friend was no more. She was supposed to come to the Spa with me and it took until now to say I'm not getting any more energy so I should go. Linda was full of life, she travelled, she was a giver and she never said anything bad about anyone. She was the salt of the earth. When I first started teaching Linda, her best friend and collegue and another good friend used to have lunch at the local cafe most days. There she shared stories of her travels, and her children. She even went to School with Billy Ocean! Always game for a laugh she frequently dressed up for comic relief and got us all doing comedy sketches one year. She will be missed but her spirit lives on and I am encouraged to love God, love my kids, enjoy life and be good to people like Linda did. May her soul rest in peace.

Tiredness

OMG! I frequently complain about tiredness but this period is the worst I've felt in my life. I am emerging from it now. For me not to return to that level again I need some frequent me time.

Since having the baby I was not sleeping and was suffering from interupted sleep for about approx 9months. Baby finally started sleeping and so did I and my body had to adjust to having more sleep at night. But this sleep was not restful and refreshing, it was necessary but I remember thinking about when I had to be up a good hour before I needed to be up.
At half term I lay on the sofa for 3 days. On the 3rd day my husband recognised there might be something wrong! Typical.
We've now worked out a rota for household tasks which is quite helpful. Plus its birthday season in our house. The Season starts from the first May Bank holiday till the first week in July which is my birthday. It has certainly lifted the family.
I want to work in a yoga or relaxation period for 30 mins to an hour a day but it will have to be gradual.
I'd love to hear similar stories of tiredness and how to combat it.
Peace out

Highs

• Had a wonderful bank holiday with my family. Because of sheer tiredness we haven't been going anywhere far which means we haven't been to visit loved ones but we've been spending time together and its good. It was the first of the family birthdays this weekend which is fab as it always falls on the first May bank Holiday.


• Baby's eczema is no longer causing sleepless nights.. His skinstill itches which cuts the skin from time to time. Skin splits around the ears and it is this area which he rubs when he is tired as well as the cheeks. A mom and childminder recommened Allergenics, a non steroidal ointment made entirely out of natural products available at Holland and Barretts. It has Shea butter as a base, a substance which I'm familiar with. So far, great. My main feat is to now keep the skin well moisturised. The only areas affected are the cheeks, ears, inside crease of elbows and upper thighs. The rest of the skin is beautiful and naturally moist which leads me to believe inability to cool down in these areas is the main culprit of the eczema.


• Baby now 11 months and I love babies from 8 months til the time they begin to walk as it is a magical time where they communicate with you in some beautiful ways. My son stares at me if he hasn't seen me for a while and soemtimes if I look at him from afar he gives me a knowing smile. He dances to the music of the B&Q advert on the TV and has been singing for some time now. He also communicates by humming. eg if I call his name he says a high pitched ""hmmmm?".


• Enjoying adult conversation at work.

Lows

• I wrote out an extensive descriptive list of how a cocktail of a bad period, feelings of inadequacy, pestered by my eldest for food and drink ( I call it being a short order chef!), longer but unrestful sleep; pressures at work etc were the reason behind feeling low . But I pressed something on the laptop and it deleted it!!! Typical! Maybe you weren't meant to see my ranting in detail!!!

So I suppose I'm being forced to "accentuate the positive".

The lows of being a working mom

It would be hypocritical of me to talk only about the advantages to being a working mom and not give full weight to the disadvantages.



I work 3 days a week, Monday, Thursday and Friday but mentally I'm always at work. I on my so called days off I have another job entitled 'Ferrier to school.' On a bad day I go back and forth to school 3 times. So thats 6 journeys to school and back. Each journey is 1.7 miles. I walk now the weather is good and this eats up the whole of my day. This is because son no2 is half day at nursery. Half day nursery doesn't work for me . The school doesn't allow you to pay for a 2nd session during the day but I'm going to suggest it. When I was in London son no2 and son no1 went to a pre-school that took the government funding and allowed you to pay for the extra sessions. They were really affordable and it meant that a 3 year old can be at preschool/nursery from 9 til 3. This is a much better arrangement for me and my child. He's ready to stay at school all day yet he will not have the opportunity till Jan 2010! I am livid! In London he would have been starting school full time by October 2009.

Just lately I have found it hard to wind down. I just feel there's so much to be done and not enough time or energy in the day to do them. Plus I'm experiening the postcode lottery. The NHS provision is very different from where I came from. Different meaning bad, poor, less than mediocre.
What to do? Discussed going back to London/Surrey as house prices have dropped. Still have to up my income though.

I have been able to find a way to cope. I ask friends for advice and I've been getting good advice lately. I also always make time for my friends, we either go out for coffee or breakfast. Yesterday as I spoke to my friend I felt as if a weight had been lifted off me.
Thank God for sisterhood.

This tired stay and home mom versus working mom debate.

I think this stay at home mom working mom debate is stupid. Everyone is different. You cannot prescribe one form of behaviour for everyone as everyone is different. If staying at home works for you and yours do it. If going to work helps you to feel like Ms Independant then do it. If you have to work when you'd rather not realise its hard work but try and make some special days for you and yours to remind them that you love them. My mom worked 2 nights while she had us and she said that work gave her a break. Similarly I was reluctant to go back to work in London but to my surprise I'm loving dressing up and going to London to work. I enjoy the vibrancy of London compared to my quiet town and its a beautiful balance. I've been out to dinner countless times, connected with my funky collegues, made lunch for one of my collegues and friends. I feel alive again. I am also arranging to do a yoga class after work on Thursday (I work til 1pm). Then I can go swimming on Friday afternoons. When I was home I was at the school 6 times a day. It hardly gave me time to do anything. If I have a coffee with a friend it has a knock on effect on the whole day. Forget me time. So although I'm busier than ever before I am happier. Before I moved I would go to mother and baby groups and go to parks and the Horniman museum. Housework did take a back seat to my husbands disgust.
I'm going to be tracking this debate in the newspapers and would greatly appreciate some feedback.

Time for the Church to be united

Went to a Newwine women's conference on Saturday with the Baptist church I attend. I was greatly encouraged and my mind was opened. People were speaking in tongues, falling out, shouting and moaning in the Spirit! It Still wasn't as loud as Pentecostals but wow it was good! I got confimation about using your gifts and talents, things that come natural to you so that your light shines among everyone you meet.
So Pentecostal people we do not have the monopoly on the Holy Spirit and we must take part in what the Church of England is doing because despite controversy there is nothing that divides us spiritually. There is a richness in diversity and I have found this whenever I attend a service which is multicultural and interdenominational.
There was a time when race and loud worship meant we weren't welcome and some churches still have that hang up but not all. Lets come together and really celebrate God's Kingdom now.

It seems like a lot has happened since I last blogged. So I'll update on motherhood so far.
Eldest seems to be settling into school more, met some of his friends and met a couple of mothers who I never met before.
Middle child also settling sometimes cries before nursery but doing OK.
Baby is getting chubbier by the day. The Eczema is better but the meeting with the Specialist was a big let down. Its a good thing Baby's skin was getting better before I met him. Someone was telling me that African remedies and medicine is far more effective in the treatment of Black skins. I believe them. My sister in law made a crude concoction of crushed anti biotics and Vaseline made in Nigeria and it works! She also gave me some herbs for him to wash in.

My Sister thought she had eczema and she had a really bad skin for 16 years, very sensitive, weeping and crusty and darkened her skin. Went to South Africa and the Dr told her that it was a parasite she had picked up from a beach when she was 18. Her skin has now completely healed and she can't stop looking at herself in the mirror. I haven't seen her yet but I well up every time I think about it.

My personal development is going well. I have been reading about Tony Buzan's mindmapping and it is revolutionising my life. I can plan lessons quickly and easily and it works with the way I work. Excellent for a time poor mom.
I have so much to do in my day I find it hard to wind down. Anybody else had this problem? What did you do to combat it? Love to hear from you.
Peace out

Work, paid work

Went back to work before half term and its like stepping into a paralell universe. The building is the same but so much have changed and the scary thing is I only went on mat leave 9 months ago. Crazy.

I need to work on my own thing. I procrastinate a lot and I am a woman of very many words and not enough action although I mean well. But this situation forces me to change as I feel so uncomfortable.

My move will be gradual but I've already fed and watered my brain for change and movement. I really want to do some work for myself. Watched BET honours last night and one of the honorees said that I must run head first into sucess and not to be afraid of it. I have been afraid of it for so long that it is now beckoning me to take that leap of faith.

As per usual I have had a lot of vocal support from friends. There have been a lot people telling me not to change who I am and all of a sudden telling me about my good points.

I have finally found my place, I'm a good communicator, people confide in me and I'm good at making friends. I'm looking at counselling and I'm going to try broadcasting and a little journalism as well having teaching to fall back on.

I can and I will. The good thing about it is I can take my time and fit it around my kids until the time comes for me to accelerate.

Do you need change but are afraid of it? Condition your mind. Prepare mentally for change don't just say what you are going to do but think it, believe it and take action. What comes naturally to you? How can you make money or derive an income from it? Believe and love yourself then take that big leap of faith....

There's not a friend.

I didn't want to use this blog to share my faith but some things have happened to me over the past 2 weeks that I can only describe as a Godsend. 2 weeks ago I met a mom whose son had a similar skin condition to my baby at Church. She was introduced to me by my Church sister who lives near me. I remember that on my first visit this lady was reading a book to my son in the Church creche and I remember him looking so comfortable it was amazing. He was only 4 or 5 months at the time. For privacy I will call her Angela (not her real name). She told me about her son, what worked for her and she gave me a lot of reassurance. She gave me her details and her email address which contained a quote that I hear all the time on BET 'Dream Big'. Well intrigued I rang her to say thanks for the advice and on Thursday she dropped round some cream and she offered to look after my boys or baby so I can have a sleep.On Saturday I rang her in despair as my hubby was late for picking us up from town and it was getting v dark. she offered to pick me up if he didn't turn up and reiterated that she will happily look after the boys on Sunday if I needed some rest. As plans for Sunday were not finalised at that point I could not take her up on the offer. But at mad o'clock in the morning I texted her to day that we will all come to her house and I will bring what I was cooking which was Roast Chicken, rice and peas. I would have to cook the babys food once I got there. Well a good time was had by all. My boys and her family ( she has 4 kids 3 beautiful girls and one quiet boy) gelled instantly. My baby slept in her husbands arms so easily it amazed me and I got a nap on her settee. With all boxes ticked and all needs met we were given a lift home.

Angela is only one of the beautiful people I've met in Stevenage. I've met an older mom who gives the best hugs in the world and is always available for a chat and a cup of tea; a budding entrepreneur mom who loves singing; my homemaker mom who is just friendly and knows how to hook people up and a North London mom and Gran who love to give and are full of stories of the place where they lived most of their lives. I've only been here 4 months. I also met a lovely business mom who has a cleaning business and does babysitting to make ends meet but the bonus is she likes the same music as I do. I now know I can go anywhere and make quality friends. I try my best to be friendly and open with people and I find I get it in return. I've also got the greatest friend of all Jesus who knows my every need and meets them by sending me people such as these and by giving me the song 'theres not a friend' by my wonderful gospel singing friend. I'll get his permission before I give you his name.

The eczema problem

My 7 month old baby son has eczema. I can't remember the how old he was when I first saw it but the first that I knew he had some sort of skin problem was when he went dark over the summer and then all of the skin peeled off to reveal a very pale almost white skin. Then his hair slowly started peeling off . The hair started receding around the hairline until he had one little cute patch of long hair left of centre of his head.

His cheeks started to get dry and I started to find his skin very hard to hydrate. His skin looked very inspite of my moisturising it daily with Aqueous cream.

Over Christmas the red cheeks became weepy and extremly itchy. I was afraid to leave him in his cot for fear he would scratch all the skin off his cheeks. Also at night time he started to get very irritable and I was at a loss as to know what to do.



In October I got the first and last piece of good advice from a health practitioner, a health visitor. She suggested I go to the Dr and ask for lactose free milk or put myself on a lactose free diet. I went to the GP (a locum) and she dismissed it out of hand and said I should continue to breastfeed. I was prescribed doublebase and the first of three lots of anti biotics. Prior to this I was prescribed Fucidin H which is an acid which kills bacteria together with hydorcortisone. This worked for one week and then the eczema flared up worse than before.

I then saw another Dr who was resident at the surgery he seemed helpful in that he told me that the treament for eczema is steriods and emollients. He then went on to prescribe Cetraben. The Cetreben went on very thickly but when the cream had evaporated it left the skin so dry skin was flaking and itching. I went back to Doublebase but the itching redness and oosing got worse and worse.



On the day after the baby was 6 months I started to wean him making my own purees. I found that my son was incredibly hungry and needed 3 to 4 meals a day and at times seconds and a pudding. However some nights when for some reason he hadn't eaten enough he would be awake at night and sucking on my breast. I got into a bad habit of trying to ease his restlessness at with breast milk which was leaving me increasingly drained. No matter how little sleep I was getting I needed to get up by 6:30am to make breakfast for my other two and get everyone ready to take my eldest to school. Two weeks later it was Christmas and some good advice came from a friend who had vitiligo. She gave me the first piece of advice on how to manage eczema. She encouraged me to buy milk which was lactose free as many people are allergic or intolerant to milk. I bought my first tin of Nutramigen the day after boxing day and I saw a difference. If he had 3 bottles of milk a day ( I made some of it into baby cereal as he didn't like drinking it at first) plus his 3 meals he slept through without any itching. Once the 3rd tin was empty baby had a flare up. I went to the Dr and he said that he couldn't prescribe it as a consultant would have to do it. (Nutramigen costs £13 a tin and lasts a week). He said I should try ordinary formula.
Tried ordinary formula and on top of the eczema he got some small red spots.
Hubby and I decided to stop the formula milk and I went back to breast feeding.
Over the past month I've been to the Dr for the baby twice. The first time he was extremely irritiable and was jumping instead of itching. When we got to the Drs he was calm and I was told that the only treatment he would get from a skin specialist is steriods and cream. He was finally put on repeat presciption for his emollient. I forgot to ask about his chest so we went back to the Drs as an emergency. I saw a Dr I had never seen before. He prescribed Fucidin H (a massive big tube) again and orciprenaline and anti biotics for his chest. He didn't explain
why he had precribed the orciprenaline so I had to come home and look it up. Its a drug normally used for asthma and associated bronchal condtions. It has some pretty frightening side effects and he is to take it 4 x a day. The anti biotics were also to be taken 4 x a day. I think that this is too much medication for a 7 month old whose system is already weakened by eczema so I haven't given him any of the medication. I looked up how to treat asthma and found a site called the Healthy House which advocated the use of a humidifier in the bedroom. So I have been putting a bucket of hot water in our bedroom with a couple of drops of olbas oil until I can buy a humidifier. I have however used a little of the Fucidin H as his rash was spreading simply because I thought there was no alternative. I have since found that you can get Fucidin without the hydrocortisone from NHS direct. I am so mad about this because the first time I saw the Dr I expressed that I didn't want the baby taking steriods. I've since been told that Fucidin H can thin the skin. I have witnessed this as the baby' skin dies and it becomes extremely sore and uncomfortable The only way he gets comfort is to rub the dead skin off. In fact baby is on my lap awake as I write this because he's so uncomfortable, he's also teething which doesn't help matters.

Advice from friends with eczema
As well as going using the NHS I have also asked friends. My journalist friend sent me an article that was in Metro about eczema and water softeners. (to find, google eczema water softener). My friends brother also used installed a water softening system in his house after noticing that his eczema disappered while staying at a hotel that used a water softening system. I also spoke to another friend and she has had eczema since childhood.
The advice her mother was given was to bathe affected area using sea/rock salt and very warm water. The water is to be sprinkled on to the skin. the skin is not to be rubbed or massaged at this juncture then moisturise with expressed breast milk. Keeping the breast milk refridgerated. I tried the salt water bath when the skin was red raw and it seemed to seal the wounds. She also said that if she wants to moisturise her skin whilst in the bath she put oats in a small piece of stocking and puts it in the bath together with a little honey. She also says you can get some seaweed that you can put in the bath to nourish the skin. She advocated pure coconut oil as an emollient. She recommended a plant called Holy basil which has a sap which is anti bacterial which is good on the skin. She uses soap nuts to wash the families clothes and as she bottle feeds she ensures that her sons drink plenty of water between feeds.
Another friend recommended http://www.eczemaclothing/ .com as my son was out growing the scratch mits and I was using socks (socks only irritate the skin further). This has tops with mits incorporated and sleep wear and dungarees which cover the feet..
As treatment of eczema is trial and error you need as much advice as possible. Just remember some general rules. Soap is a no no as water alone dries the skin never mind use of an alkaline. Plus its good to hear from at least 3 people to confirm any advice given.

I see the specialist on 30th January and I hope to get further advice on how to manage this condition as not only does it cause the sufferer discomfort, it disrupts the family and can incapacitate the main carer.

Life so far

Been meaning to blog to give everyone a lowdown on Christmas but that was so long ago. We had a good Christmas. My lasting and strongest image of Christmas are my hubby and my boys including the baby playing the game that I bought! I could see the back of the baby's head (6mths old) and he was trying to pick up sticks. It truly was a Kodak moment.



For the past 10 years I have been greatly humbled by my circumstances. If life had gone the way I designed it I would be a successful Lawyer power dressing everyday, driving a luxury car, shopping at all the best designer shops all around the world. Today I am a teacher/lecturer, my hubby drives an MPV - I don't want a luxury car right now I like being eco friendly and I look for a car that looks good but is practical and economical to run and I don't do too much clothes shopping as I have other interests.

I'm not telling you that I don't aspire for better for myself of my family but its not tied up in material things. I bought one of the Christmas game for the boys from Oxfam.

When I visit Oxfam with the boys they don't want to leave as they have games and books. All they see is things they like they are not even aware that the goods are second hand.

I see this credit crunch as an opportunity for creativity and as a catalyst for some changes. I hope to be able to grow some of my own produce this year and I want to work on being debt free. I'm setting myself a challenge to find a job nearer home. I know that we are in a recession but I'm flexible and this is yet another challenge which I believe I can overcome.